Trendy Art Talk and Other Gobledegook

Recently, I handed my husband an art brochure from a nationally known gallery because I thought he would enjoy reading about a particular exhibit there.  Later, he gave the brochure back and commented on the over-use of a single word to describe three artists represented.  Since then, our word for high-brow artspeak  is that word,  "duality."

I almost never appreciate Contemporary Art, especially if it is fairly abstract.  It just is not my preference. At the last such exhibit we saw, my husband refused to enter that part of the gallery at all and said "It is all just so much c--p."

However, when I see some Contemporary Art, Modern Art, or Postmodern Art, I try to think of the mechanics of how it was made and then I marvel that they were able to sell it.  I think "Maybe I should make blah-blah-blah since there are people (museums, even) gullible enough to purchase it."  Nope.  No can do, just can't bend my brain around the whole "dupe the public" thing.    I look at the artwork for a bit longer--if I can--and wonder why anyone would make such a thing as that and why someone else calls it art.  Then, as always, I walk away from the piece or exhibit reminded of the old fable "The Emperor's New Clothes." 

You remember the story of the Emperor and his new clothes.  Two con-men sell the Emp on the idea that only the best and brightest can actually see the great new wardrobe.  Anyone who cannot see the fab threads is a fool.  So, no one speaks up lest they be considered foolish.  The biggest fool of all, the Big Guy himself parades himself down Main Street in his new duds only to discover that he is completely uncovered, when a child speaks up.  The most wonderful wardrobe ever turned out to be nothing warmer than your basic birthday suit.

Enter a new way to con the cons into thinking you are really in the KNOW.  The Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator is a unique and quirky way to make ignorant people think you are not one of them.  

"The instructions are simple-- type any five digit number in the field below, click 'Create,' and enjoy your ready-made Critical Response to the Art Product (or CRAP). Now you can produce CRAP critiques as easily and fluently as anyone in your MFA program!  Please use this product responsibly."

Examples: 

"I'm troubled by how the disjunctive perturbation of the purity of line threatens to penetrate the inherent overspecificity"

 

"I agree/disagree with some of the things that have just been said, but the optical suggestions of the purity of line makes resonant the distinctive formal juxtapositions."

Some people call some things "art" and use high-falootin' phraseology to do it.  Often the "art" is worth less than the words used to describe it.  Maybe I am foolish because I just don't see the Emperor's dashing duds.  But, really...how much of what is called "art" out there is just generated and exhibited by people trying to con us?  Duality.